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Revenge – S03.13 – Hatred

It’s fair to say that Miz has no idea what just happened in this episode. Were the writers on crack?! So. So. Confused.

They’ve turned Sara into a baddie, Daniel continues to annoy the hell out of anyone with brains, Conrad still is “nice” (kinda) with being in lurrve, Emily’s pain threshold is super high/insane, and yet Vicky’s character turned a corner by confiding in Patrick about the person that raped her. Patrick evil painting slash arson whop whop. However the actor who plays Daniel (Josh Bowman) is super.bad. Not believable AT ALL. His face never changes; he looks the same happy or angry evil.

Sara being shacked up with Daniel was never going to work. Stupid move Daniel and you need to know that you put Sara in a terrible position. And don’t even get Miz started on how terrible Sara is for getting back with the guy who almost killed her in a drunk driving accident. Why on earth did she fall into bed with Daniel again?! AND he’s STILL drinking. Argh, it’s a terrible storyline. And Sara should have run away from the Greyson’s while she had a chance. YOU HAD A CHANCE. I don’t like to say that she got what she deserved, but she certainty didn’t help herself in any way, shape or form.

Sara vs Emily was only going to go the way of Emily.

EWW Jack and Frenchie. So in love that Jack is trying to find a house for both of them to live with Carl. A.K.A. happily ever after. Surely Frenchie should be getting the hell out of the Hamptons which Conrad taking her and her family’s legacy down.

And then of course Aiden was stupid enough to not get rid of the murder weapon (katana). I mean really: He was a trained assassin for crying out loud. Niko obviously found out the weapon so has deduced that Aiden killed her father. Bad news for Aiden but at least that’s some (hopefully excellent) second storyline from Emily vs Daniel’s destruction of each other.

And don’t even get me started on Emily’s blackouts. Convenient? Drugs? Waking up in Conrad’s bed? Oh man, crack-o-licious.

Verdict: Way way too many plot holes for this episode to be viable. Writers were on crack. Pity that they have to stop for the Winter Olympics coverage.

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Revenge – S03.12- Endurance

Called Endurance. Miz ENDURED this episode. URGH it’s like it lost everything good about the previous episode/direction. Weak epsidoe but in hindsight I guess it set everything post-shooting-on-the-boat-and-framing-victoria up.

Recap:

  • Nolan wears a striped jacket – that’s literally the main thing I took away from this episode AND it was in the opening shots!! Candy striper yahoo.
  • Daniel is still a drip. Kill him off already.
  • Emily regained her memories (boo-urns).
  • Emily’s hair has been browned (is that even a word?). Basically more belivable character-wise or something. And this means that she has hung up her revenegey hat. Or something. PLOT TWIST!
  • Emily can’t have babies. That’s sad face. Stupid Daniel shooting her uterus. Maybe that’s what Baby Carl is for.
  • Urgh Sara. GO AWAY.
  • Ugh Aiden. DO AWAY. Or be killed by Niko due to Takeda’s death. Ozzies are hard beasts – don’t cross them. Whoops, too late.
  • Patrick. I was rooting for you and Nolan. I really really really want more Nolan sexytime / true love. you ruined it. But I am fully in CAMP NOLAN. GO AWAY NO ONE LIKES YOU.
  • What happened to Charlotte?
  • YES JACK! Punch Daniel. You GO GUY.
 
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Revenge – S03.11 – Homecoming

Em is alive!! But not as we know her. Not as she knows herself. She doesn’t remember anything. Except that David Clark is her father. Excellent twist and Miz suspects that this will turn a stagnant tv show back into it’s former glory. And of course Jack was able to reach into the real Emily and bring her back into herself, by simply kissing her on her forehead and giving her a talisman from Amanda-Emily. And then she remembered Daniel shot her. Yes, well played girl.

And of course Lydia was going to get framed here. Don’t mess with Vicky. Though why Conrad didn’t just triple-cross Vicky and then set HER up, thus saving  Daniel and FRAMING VICKY. Miz could write this show. And while we are talking about Daniel, why wasn’t he even concerned that HE SHOT A PERSON? Yes he wanted to hand himself in, but that was much more for his own self rather than human emotion of guilt/sadness/any normal range of human emotion. Perhaps he’s hungover. Well he bloody well deserves to!!

And an Australian assassin – Niko??. Literally sounds the same as the person who narrates criminal investigation Australia. With an Australian name. That means that her and Aiden can live happily ever after. Yah Emily and Jack = end game. But weird that we have literally never heard or seen her before.

Patrick is not Team Nolan; Patrick is Team Vicky. Sad face for Nolan. Now he can exact all the revenge with Emily. Sneaky Patrick is going to be his downfall. Move the safe Nolan. RIGHT NOW.

Oh and no shirtless boys in this episode. Boo-urns.

2

Revenge – S03.08 – Secrecy

Miz forgot she watched this until she saw the shorts for next week. However looks like JJ also hasn’t reviewed this, so in massive catch up mode, here are Miz’s thoughts.

– Lydia is alive. Well of course she is! Does anyone ever die in this programme? HOW ON EARTH DID SHE SURVIVE

– Sarah is not a homewreaker but she does seem to actually like Daniel. While I think that is a stupid stupid pairing given their history, I actually think she is one of the most genuine characters in the show. I mean she makes cupcakes, so surely she can’t be mean.

– There was a silly bridal shower where everyone wears white and gives presents to the happy couple. Doesn’t that sound like wedding?

– Silly game at the shower called “This is Your Life” which reveals a secret person in Emily’s past. Suprise suprise, it’s her ex husband, Rohan. Daniel rightfully gets all houghty-toughy but the visa-wedding makes sense and he has to back down. And he’s a Takeda revengy person too. Yahoo.

– Aiden roughed up someone at the Stowaway. Yes the guy was a creep to Charlotte, but Aiden almost killed the guy. Not cool Aiden.

– Vicky is smarter than Conrad. Well duh. Conrad has a shag pad that he tells Daniel about and basically gives you an open excuse to have an affair. But Vicky knows about it.

– Conrad’s excellent marriage advice strikes again: Contrary to what they say, the secret to staying happily married is secrecy.

– Daniel used the shad pad with Sarah (even though I don’t think they slept together) and Emily finds out through Vicky.

– And then shocks of shock: Emily tells Daniel she is pregnant. From: http://www.tvfanatic.com/2013/11/revenge-review-best-kept-secrets/

5

Revenge S03.06 – Dissolution and S03.07 – Resurgence

Ok so in big-time catch-up mode here, I’m doing these babies back-to-back. And, given how convoluted this series has become of late, that may make for an even more confusing post than usual. Yay! 🙂

First off, the main thing that stood out from these eps was Yay the boys club!! Nolan and Jack finally having The Talk about Emily is the bestest thing ever and I am crazy glad this has happened. First off, it gives them both someone to talk to, as Nolan so eloquently pointed out (honestly, he gets all the best lines), which they need for both general sharing of the Em-stress and also for helping each other avoid the fallout that occasionally (frequently) occurs in the wake of one of Emily’s schemes. Secondly, it was just really sweet (after some characteristic over-reacting; seriously, is everyone in the Hamptons on drugs this season? Calm the farm, folks) and brings back an emphasis to them having a relationship, which I miss – it’s hella cute on its own and really good for Jack; without Nolan, we only ever see Angry!Jack (with Emily), Sad!Jack (with Charlotte) or Confused!Jack (with Margot). None of these is as endearing as Awesome!Jack, who now pretty much only comes out to play when Nolan is there, being equally awesome. Thirdly, they can talk Emily out of ANYTHING to do with Aidan. I am super glad that their joining forces forced her hand into telling them the whole plan, because you just know they will not stand for a) Aidan’s involvement (excellent callout about his uselessness) or b) her disappearing at the end of it. Interesting that she’s intending to frame Vicky for her own murder though – not sure how that will clear her dad’s name or bring down Conrad but I guess it’s a part of something larger? And will explain the scene we saw at the start of the series. Fourthly, I was starting to become slightly worried that Nolan and Jack (the only two male characters worth caring about on the show) were failing a sort of reverse Bechdel test. Alone, they were only concerned with romance, in company with Emily they were only able to talk about her revenge plots. It was getting boring. On which topic, Emily – ‘be rational’ is shitty advice to someone who comes to you with tidings of a new relationship, even if the person they are into is a psychotically unhinged murderous almost-Grayson. And I hope to the Elder Gods that Jack and Nolan have a talk about romance soon, because holy wow Jack – you are super lucky Margot still wants to hook up with you after you sent some of the most crazy mixed signals in tv history by setting up the Most Romantic and Expectation-Creating Date Ever and then bailing?! And also sad blah Amanda’s dead blah. Sorry to be heartless, but that was last season, we didn’t like her that much, you never really knew her, it’s time to move on. Though not with Margot, she annoys me.

A consequence of this recent trend of letting everyone (including the viewer) into people’s minds a little more is that it’s painting Emily in a much better light. She’s seeming much more concerned about proactively protecting good people and all (unless they try to separate her and Daniel – eep!) but I’m slightly worried that this is to do with the writers feeling they may not be back for a fourth season and getting ready to wind up Emily’s story for good at the end of the series. It’s also kind of intriguing, though I have concerns about Emily’s plans, as above. But it’s better than being told nothing, which was getting annoying.

However, when did Aidan and Emily vanishing into the sunset become a thing that was going to happen?!? I am dismayed for several reasons. Firstly this means Aidan is not just being played by Emily (unless she’s playing some hella long game, and even so she has no reason to spin that lie to Nolan and Jack, surely?) and she is actually in love with him again. Sigh. NO! Bad Emily!! Margot will not make Jack happy, and it goes without saying that Aidan is an arrogant toolbag who will not make you happy (I said it anyway because you appear to be amazingly dense with regards to this issue). The happy ending is you and Jack getting a new puppy and living in a fabulous house next door to Nolan who cooks you treats and whose children play with yours. Children he has not spawned with a murderer, narc or terrible actress. Getting back with Aidan ruins this!! THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. *breathe*

Ooookay. On to Vicky!! And Patrick, because those two are sexually confused conjoined twins. I have zero idea what is going on with these two – their motives aren’t just confused, they’re unintelligible. Does Patrick actually like Nolan? Did he really intend to kill Conrad and have no idea he could hurt innocent people (because dude, really?!)? Is he really on such good terms with his ex-wife (and why didn’t that story go anywhere? Will we learn more soon? That was weird) and is she who Nolan thinks she is? Does Victoria actually intend to leave Conrad eventually – why does him having money change that? She can still get money from him if they’re not living together, surely? Does she really trust Patrick enough to put her entire future (well, a gallery) into his hands? And does she really care that little that he tried to *murder* someone and caused the death of an innocent man?!? So. Much. Confuse. I am at least glad that what I thought was her transferring her inappropriate sexual chemistry with Patrick to Aidan (note to self – if ever visiting Grayson manor, bring barricades for bathroom doors) was actually nothing of the sort, but her throwing him out so quickly is super odd too. Ugh, she’s a hot mess of wut atm. And I find it really odd that she was so eager for Charlotte to take the blame for Patrick. I thought she was super eager to get Charlotte to love her again?!

More confusion with Conrad – why does he need a publicist? Surely he’s become the Hamptons’ answer to Anthony Weiner by now – his career should be unsalvageable. Also, didn’t he resign as Governor? So, what is he rehabilitating his image for? And while I’m glad Nolan got a little revenge of his own (and ow, that story was pretty dreadful! But also evil!Nolan is haaawwwwttt…) does this mean the PR onslaught will have been checked? If so it feels really weird – that was a full-on media management strategy Ms Bizzy was planning – not the sort of thing that goes away because you get fired (and surely Conrad wouldn’t keep her once all her other clients drop her, nē?) so removing her wouldn’t solve Emily’s problems.

Another slight plot-gripe – surely once Conrad’s called and bawled out his lawyer for not noticing that they lost 30ft of ground (thus making them erosion-prone?) said lawyer would’ve done some digging and found out that the one document the estate agent found on the record didn’t match the copy presumably held at the Environmental agency / by the lawyer himself? That seems like a very weak plot to stop the house sale, Ems, although I guess it only has to hold for a few weeks, and you’ve successfully smeared Conrad with every estate agent for miles, so maybe it’s all she needs. After all, as we keep being reminded, it All Ends August 8.*

Lastly and leastly, Daniel and his wandering penis. I mean, heart. Sigh. They’ve brought in Sarah in a rush, and I just don’t care, and Charlotte’s trying to be sneaky, and I just… Ugh. Sarah seems sweet, or whatever, but I am not going to be sad when she gets taken down. And I can’t believe Daniel ‘truly loves her’ because a few weeks ago, while still engaged to Emily, he was considering hooking up with Margot, and he has shown no intention of breaking up with Ems because of Carcrash girl – basically I assume he has terrible short-term memory and can only concentrate on the boobs right in front of him at that very second. It’s not that he’s unfaithful, it’s that he’s brain-damaged.

*Minor whinge – I don’t like that the big finale, which will air in probably March or April, is set for August 8. I know they have to have it set at the end of summer because that’s when people are in the Hamptons (and 8/8 double infinity clever woo), but I got super excited when Dr Who (Whovian comparisons always being relevant) managed to work a Very Important Date (the end of space and time / Big Bang Take II / Amy’s wedding) into the transmission date of the series finale and it feels weird to have everyone going ‘ooh August 8 August 8’ when you know it’s gonna happen in like April. Sigh. Why can’t everything be a little more Whovian?

1

Revenge – S03.05 – Control

Miz was amped up from watching The Block. TechSupport was in bed. Miz still had wine in her glass. Thus follows Revenge. JJ, feel free to give an actual review soon ha! This is pretty much the one liners that Miz would have shouted if JJ was nearby slash feel free to read these while watching this episode. In summary: Nolan kills it in quotes this episodes.

Miz wishes she has a green and red security system to tell her when her alarm was enabled and un-enabled/disabled.

I guess Aiden hasn’t lied to Emily, but I would be pissed at him if I was her (pinning the brakes on Jack).

Topless Jack. YAH!

Patrick by a pool. Again.

Daniel’s speckled grey suit is okay. Is this new fashion? Have I lost track on what is cool or not? Heaven forbid.

Yip, Daniel and Emily should never been married.

i wants Vicky’s red lipstick. Reckon there is a site that sells that?

VICKY IS WEARING THAT DRESS?! That is like exactly like her Vera Wang wedding/vows renewal dress. Right? Or am I losing my mind??

Charlotte’s hair. Miz wants it.

Charlotte mentioned Sarah. Is that the one that Daniel hurt during drunk driving? Way low writers, way low.

Nolan asked Patrick about Mama Bear. CUTE> Also Patrick found out about Nolan approaching his ex-wife. Ru-row.

GO HOME French girl. That shade of yellow is all wrong on you. Also, take Daniel with you. Elope. Yes, do that.

Vicky’s hair is nice. Dare I say that unless Em strikes me down.

Why isn’t Vicky at her new art gallery job?

Have Jack and Aiden actually never met????? JJ, CONFUSED. Surely they have!!

Wants Nolan’s teal jacket.

“.. I’m kinda tired about how this stuff is screwing up our lives.”. Us too Nolan, us too. This whole scene had good quotes which basically sum up the entire show.

Yah half naked Aiden.

Swoon, Em’s dress and whole look. Stealing. Oh and then  in a later scene we see it is a black pants suit. No deal.

French girl is wearing shiny stuffs. It’s cool. But I don’t like racerback. I just don’t think that racerback makes for formal party wear.

Charlotte’s dress is ug. Colour is excellent though, just wish it fitted better.

Jack is Team Emily. They work out that Aiden is behind this. Boo. “Who are you”. “You can’t even trust the people you have on your side”. Aint that the truth.

Can I have Charlotte’s up do sans fringe when I get married?

Aiden is jealous. Well duh. Reckon Em’s will run off and be all revengeful on something that Aiden dictates/ nah-ah. Aiden will die.

Patrick has muscles. Yip yip. Pause.

6 months has gone by??? WTF. That’s not a summer.

Vicky is wearing sequins which Miz likes. Thigh slit, no deal.  sigh.

Daniel feels like he is playing a role. Well, he is. But sad that he has real emotions. Granted, they shouldn’t be together, but it’s still sad. The break up could have been done better though!!

“The more things you try to control, the more room for error.” Nolan is KILLING it with soundbites this episode. Can’t be upset about that.

CHARLOTTE did the brakes?! No deal. Argh, Charlotte, go home / off to college. No one likes you. Except your fringe. I like your bangs. There is no way that Conrad is being sincere. Also, I think I don’t like the actor that plays Conrad.

But then of course, Patrick did it. Maybe? What did she have over Charlotte to make HER confess. ARGH THIS SHOW!!! There’s no way she wants to protect Jack. This show makes no sense.

Is the boat the same place as she gets shot in her wedding dress? Or wedding rehearsal white fluffy dress?

You didn’t grow up in a house just like this. You grew up IN THIS HOUSE. So many lies.

Em tears. Sad. But she is a good actress. She doesn’t even like Daniel. Wedding saved.

Jack is going to go all INSANE on your ass as kid is out of the way.

YES PATRICK AND NOLAN!!! BEST PASH EVER>

3

Revenge S3.04 – Mercy

Whew there was a lot of double-crossing in the air tonight! Hot on the heels (in show-time) of the revelation that Oh-Gods-Why-Is-He-Back, aka Aidan, was working *with* Ems, this episode’s Tricksy Little Hobbit award has to go to Patrick, for swapping teams with a fluidity that would make a dolphin jealous. But most importantly from him tonight – HE CALLS HIS MAMA VICKY. That means I can, also, because reasons. Yuss!!! However, their relationship is still really, really far from being healthy. Stop making it awkward, writers/directors/actors!!!

In more palatable story arcs, just in case we were confused about Conrad’s recent change of heart, and starting to doubt whether his two-dimensional villainy might be developing a third, morally ambiguous dimension, he becomes one of the few people to have a near death experience and decide to become a worse person because of it. Awesome. Also, he killed Fr Paul, and that makes me stabbity. Ems too, so his goose is well and truly cooked. And Daniel well and truly throws his lot in with papa and co., even going so far as to take relationship advice from the Man With No Friends, so no way will Ems spare him now. And that is all I will say about him. Because blah. Oh, except to say that his parting shot to Daddykins, about “I’m building this on hard work, not legacy”? Um, no. If you weren’t a Grayson, no-one would have invested in the mag, and you wouldn’t have even known who to approach. Asschapeau!!

In prettier news, I appreciated that Nolan told us he and Patrick were meeting at a Beach Club, because genuinely I had no idea what that weird pool-changing-room-sun-lounger-repository place was. For realsies! I thought it might have been part of someone’s house, or a Home for Gorgeous Menfolk What Have Become Entangled With Emotionally Stressful Wimmins. But no, Beach Club (whatever that is).

Back at chez-Noles, the techno relapse was adorably done, even if I’m still not sure how he intended to, y’know, *live* without tech. But he’s back in super hacker mode now, so yay! And digging up the dirt on Patrick! Yay! But still wearing a child’s grody bandana as an accessory. NO. BAD NOLAN. We talked about this just last week!!! *sigh*

I’m pleased to see how no-nonsense he is with Mystery Lady #17, aka Patrick’s Wronged Missus – “oh, hi, I know stuff. Wanna chat to me and my big wad o’ cash*?”

*Not a euphemism. Probably.

Ahem. Anyway, speaking of probably cynically calculated ‘romantic’ entanglements, the man himself (Patrick) was in fine fettle tonight – appearing to steal from Mama Dearest, only for it to turn out to be an *extremely* elaborate plot for her to punish her condescending and bitchy frenemy and steal a gallery. Nice work! The family that grifts together… should still not be so inappropriately Lannister-y! Gosh…

While I remain staunchly opposed to Jack becoming involved (because he needs to be the Good that Emily can turn to at the end of her wee journey), I do love them Doing Adventures together, plus being pressed up against derelict cars is good for the romantic tension, and turns out Jack is kind of awesome at Detecting. Also, I love watching Emily trying to protect Jack. Hopefully at some point he’ll realise and be grateful for her attempts to keep him safe, even if she did sort of make it sound like she might be planning to head to the altar with 2lb of Semtex as her ‘something new’. Which would somewhat preclude the possibility of a horse-and-Jack-and-sunset ending for her on account of she’d be spread thinly over a sizeable blast zone.

But I think we can all agree that the saddest point of the episode was when Conrad made his grandiose lol-I’m-still-a-jerkface / the-bitch-is-back speech, and mentioned his intention to take his “rightful position” as Master of the House, and then DIDN’T break into song. Such a waste. 😦

And finally – OH MY GODS AND GODDESSES I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS I *TOLD* YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN YOU INVOLVE AIDAN AND THINGS GET MESSY WHY WOULD YOU TRUST HIM WHY YOU KNOW HE IS A LOOSE CANNON AND NOW JACK IS IN DANGER AND IT IS ALL. YOUR. FAULT. *ahem*