Ok so in big-time catch-up mode here, I’m doing these babies back-to-back. And, given how convoluted this series has become of late, that may make for an even more confusing post than usual. Yay! 🙂
First off, the main thing that stood out from these eps was Yay the boys club!! Nolan and Jack finally having The Talk about Emily is the bestest thing ever and I am crazy glad this has happened. First off, it gives them both someone to talk to, as Nolan so eloquently pointed out (honestly, he gets all the best lines), which they need for both general sharing of the Em-stress and also for helping each other avoid the fallout that occasionally (frequently) occurs in the wake of one of Emily’s schemes. Secondly, it was just really sweet (after some characteristic over-reacting; seriously, is everyone in the Hamptons on drugs this season? Calm the farm, folks) and brings back an emphasis to them having a relationship, which I miss – it’s hella cute on its own and really good for Jack; without Nolan, we only ever see Angry!Jack (with Emily), Sad!Jack (with Charlotte) or Confused!Jack (with Margot). None of these is as endearing as Awesome!Jack, who now pretty much only comes out to play when Nolan is there, being equally awesome. Thirdly, they can talk Emily out of ANYTHING to do with Aidan. I am super glad that their joining forces forced her hand into telling them the whole plan, because you just know they will not stand for a) Aidan’s involvement (excellent callout about his uselessness) or b) her disappearing at the end of it. Interesting that she’s intending to frame Vicky for her own murder though – not sure how that will clear her dad’s name or bring down Conrad but I guess it’s a part of something larger? And will explain the scene we saw at the start of the series. Fourthly, I was starting to become slightly worried that Nolan and Jack (the only two male characters worth caring about on the show) were failing a sort of reverse Bechdel test. Alone, they were only concerned with romance, in company with Emily they were only able to talk about her revenge plots. It was getting boring. On which topic, Emily – ‘be rational’ is shitty advice to someone who comes to you with tidings of a new relationship, even if the person they are into is a psychotically unhinged murderous almost-Grayson. And I hope to the Elder Gods that Jack and Nolan have a talk about romance soon, because holy wow Jack – you are super lucky Margot still wants to hook up with you after you sent some of the most crazy mixed signals in tv history by setting up the Most Romantic and Expectation-Creating Date Ever and then bailing?! And also sad blah Amanda’s dead blah. Sorry to be heartless, but that was last season, we didn’t like her that much, you never really knew her, it’s time to move on. Though not with Margot, she annoys me.
A consequence of this recent trend of letting everyone (including the viewer) into people’s minds a little more is that it’s painting Emily in a much better light. She’s seeming much more concerned about proactively protecting good people and all (unless they try to separate her and Daniel – eep!) but I’m slightly worried that this is to do with the writers feeling they may not be back for a fourth season and getting ready to wind up Emily’s story for good at the end of the series. It’s also kind of intriguing, though I have concerns about Emily’s plans, as above. But it’s better than being told nothing, which was getting annoying.
However, when did Aidan and Emily vanishing into the sunset become a thing that was going to happen?!? I am dismayed for several reasons. Firstly this means Aidan is not just being played by Emily (unless she’s playing some hella long game, and even so she has no reason to spin that lie to Nolan and Jack, surely?) and she is actually in love with him again. Sigh. NO! Bad Emily!! Margot will not make Jack happy, and it goes without saying that Aidan is an arrogant toolbag who will not make you happy (I said it anyway because you appear to be amazingly dense with regards to this issue). The happy ending is you and Jack getting a new puppy and living in a fabulous house next door to Nolan who cooks you treats and whose children play with yours. Children he has not spawned with a murderer, narc or terrible actress. Getting back with Aidan ruins this!! THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. *breathe*
Ooookay. On to Vicky!! And Patrick, because those two are sexually confused conjoined twins. I have zero idea what is going on with these two – their motives aren’t just confused, they’re unintelligible. Does Patrick actually like Nolan? Did he really intend to kill Conrad and have no idea he could hurt innocent people (because dude, really?!)? Is he really on such good terms with his ex-wife (and why didn’t that story go anywhere? Will we learn more soon? That was weird) and is she who Nolan thinks she is? Does Victoria actually intend to leave Conrad eventually – why does him having money change that? She can still get money from him if they’re not living together, surely? Does she really trust Patrick enough to put her entire future (well, a gallery) into his hands? And does she really care that little that he tried to *murder* someone and caused the death of an innocent man?!? So. Much. Confuse. I am at least glad that what I thought was her transferring her inappropriate sexual chemistry with Patrick to Aidan (note to self – if ever visiting Grayson manor, bring barricades for bathroom doors) was actually nothing of the sort, but her throwing him out so quickly is super odd too. Ugh, she’s a hot mess of wut atm. And I find it really odd that she was so eager for Charlotte to take the blame for Patrick. I thought she was super eager to get Charlotte to love her again?!
More confusion with Conrad – why does he need a publicist? Surely he’s become the Hamptons’ answer to Anthony Weiner by now – his career should be unsalvageable. Also, didn’t he resign as Governor? So, what is he rehabilitating his image for? And while I’m glad Nolan got a little revenge of his own (and ow, that story was pretty dreadful! But also evil!Nolan is haaawwwwttt…) does this mean the PR onslaught will have been checked? If so it feels really weird – that was a full-on media management strategy Ms Bizzy was planning – not the sort of thing that goes away because you get fired (and surely Conrad wouldn’t keep her once all her other clients drop her, nē?) so removing her wouldn’t solve Emily’s problems.
Another slight plot-gripe – surely once Conrad’s called and bawled out his lawyer for not noticing that they lost 30ft of ground (thus making them erosion-prone?) said lawyer would’ve done some digging and found out that the one document the estate agent found on the record didn’t match the copy presumably held at the Environmental agency / by the lawyer himself? That seems like a very weak plot to stop the house sale, Ems, although I guess it only has to hold for a few weeks, and you’ve successfully smeared Conrad with every estate agent for miles, so maybe it’s all she needs. After all, as we keep being reminded, it All Ends August 8.*
Lastly and leastly, Daniel and his wandering penis. I mean, heart. Sigh. They’ve brought in Sarah in a rush, and I just don’t care, and Charlotte’s trying to be sneaky, and I just… Ugh. Sarah seems sweet, or whatever, but I am not going to be sad when she gets taken down. And I can’t believe Daniel ‘truly loves her’ because a few weeks ago, while still engaged to Emily, he was considering hooking up with Margot, and he has shown no intention of breaking up with Ems because of Carcrash girl – basically I assume he has terrible short-term memory and can only concentrate on the boobs right in front of him at that very second. It’s not that he’s unfaithful, it’s that he’s brain-damaged.
*Minor whinge – I don’t like that the big finale, which will air in probably March or April, is set for August 8. I know they have to have it set at the end of summer because that’s when people are in the Hamptons (and 8/8 double infinity clever woo), but I got super excited when Dr Who (Whovian comparisons always being relevant) managed to work a Very Important Date (the end of space and time / Big Bang Take II / Amy’s wedding) into the transmission date of the series finale and it feels weird to have everyone going ‘ooh August 8 August 8’ when you know it’s gonna happen in like April. Sigh. Why can’t everything be a little more Whovian?